I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miseraable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become. And that terrifies me to the point where I can barely function. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know! I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. The sad little sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. Tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God believe me I do, but it's not enough). Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seem to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd, which is somehting I totally admire and envy. I feel guilty beyond words about these things. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. ![]() All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, the ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. This note should be pretty easy to understand. ![]() Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. I know I'm probably late on this, but I just found out. Anyways I had no clue that he mentioned Freddie in his suicide note, he also gave a reference to the line from the highlander movie before the guitar solo in Gimme the Prize. I think this qualifies as serious discussion.
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